*ahem*

KOOK OF THE MONTH

The winner is... AZURE!

   Azure  . . . . . . . . . 22
   J Wyatt Ehrenfels  . . .  9
   neither of the above . .  1

Congratulations, BlueBoi! All your faerie ancestors wanted you to win
too.

CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH

The winner is... SUN TSU!

   Yes . . 27
   No  . .  1

Congratulations, Banananose! Feel free to claim that it's really
everybody else who's clueless, and remember to make the claim at great
length and with numerous signs of utter ignorance.

COWARD OF THE MONTH

The winner is... STEVE YOUNG!

   Steve Young, alias Colonel Graff . . 17
   Bradley L Jesness  . . . . . . . . . 12
   Charles D Bohne  . . . . . . . . . .  6
   none of the above  . . . . . . . . .  1

Congratulations, Orville! Isn't it about time you acted like a man and
admitted to being the author of more than 1% of your posts?

BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER

The winner is... DR DAVID THOLEN!

   Yes . . 25
   No  . .  4

Congratulations, Davie! Classic stupidity, as expected from someone who
hasn't made an on-topic post for years.

GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY

The winner is... STEVE YOUNG!

   Steve Young, alias Colonel Graff . . 22
   Linda Gore . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
   neither of the above . . . . . . . .  1

Congratulations, Wilbur! Have you destroyed AUK yet?

GOLDEN KILLFILE

The winner is... STEVE YOUNG!

   Steve Young, alias Colonel Graff . . 16
   jet  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
   David V  . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  2
   none of the above  . . . . . . . . .  3

Congratulations, Stevie! Do you get the impression that Usenet is trying
to tell you something?

JOSEPH BARTLO "PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE" AWARD

The winner is... ALEXA CAMERON!

   Alexa Cameron  . . . . . . . . 10
   Bradley L Jesness  . . . . . .  8
   Louis Turi . . . . . . . . . .  7
   SuN Tsu, alias Bananananae . .  6
   Edmond Heinz Wollmann  . . . .  5
   none of the above  . . . . . .  0

Congratulations, Alexa! Will you be making 500 identical incomprehensible
posts to prove that you're not *really* pathetic?

TONY SIDAWAY MEMORIAL "DRAMA QUEEN" AWARD

The winner is... ALEXA CAMERON!

   Alexa Cameron . . . . . . 23
   Eddie @ codingirc.net . . 10
   neither of the above  . .  0

Congratulations, Alexa! I suggest that an appropriate reaction to this
award would be to stamp your feet and scream. (Not that anybody would
notice the difference.)

VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN "WEIRD SCIENCE" AWARD

The winner is... BRAD GUTH!

   Yes . . 25
   No  . .  1

Congratulations, Brad! If Venus is such a pleasant place to live, why are
you still here?

BALSA GAVEL

The winner is... GUY FAWKES!

   Yes . . 18
   No  . .  2

Congratulations, Guy! Will you be using this award as evidence in your
million-pound kooksuit?

BUSTED URINAL AWARD

The winner is... STEVE YOUNG!

   Steve Young, alias Colonel Graff . . 19
   jet  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  8
   Donald L Ferrt, alias Aozotorp . . .  3
   Will Dockery . . . . . . . . . . . .  3
   none of the above  . . . . . . . . .  1

Congratulations, Steve! If you stink as much in real life as you do on
Usenet, you must have to live in a sealed room. I suppose that might
explain why you're so bitter and twisted.

OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL

The winner is... STEVE YOUNG!

   Steve Young, alias Colonel Graff . . 12
   Vito Kuhn  . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
   Bradley L Jesness  . . . . . . . . .  9
   Bob Crantz . . . . . . . . . . . . .  1

Congratulations, Steve! What a lot of awards you have to whine about this
month!

MOHAMMED SAEED AL-SAHHAF MEMORIAL OFFICE OF KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER

The winner is... STEVE YOUNG!

   Steve Young, alias Colonel Graff . . 18
   Alexa Cameron  . . . . . . . . . . . 16

Congratulations, Steve! Remember to announce that there are NO
kookological tanks inside your pointy little head!

MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS

The winners are... THE WACKO JACKO FANS!

   Michael Jackson Fans of AMM-J  . . . . 21
   Edmond Heinz Wollmann & Ray Murphy . . 12

Congratulations, F'loons! If the paedophile is found guilty, I hope you'll
stay around to pick up many more awards.

KOOK KARD DECK SIX OF DIAMONDS

The winner is... VTIO KUHN!

   Vito Kuhn  . . . . 17
   Pete Stapleton . . 13

Congratulations, Vito! Perhaps it should have been the 666 of Diamonds,
considering how far you are from being a real Christian.

KOOK KARD DECK FIVE OF SPADES

The winner is... STEVE YOUNG!

   Steve Young, alias Colonel Graff . . 19
   Jay Stevens, alias Jai Maharaj . . . 13

Congratulations, Steve! Seven wins in one ballot equals Emmett Gulley's
record. Maybe you'll have the pleasure of sharing a cell with him one of
these days.

PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER

The winners are... ARATZIO and PJR!

   Aratzio & Peter J Ross . . 28
   Michael Cook . . . . . . .  2
   neither of the above . . .  1

Congratulations, 'Ratz and whoever your sidekick is!

HAMMER OF THOR

The winners are... DR DAN ROGERS!

   Yes . . 20
   No  . .  5

... and JOHN HENRY!  

   Yes . . 24
   No  . .  3

Congratulations! Long may the hollow sound of clue-by-four striking
kookskull continue!

This concludes the results of the May 2005 ballot. 39 ballots papers were
received, of which one was regretfully invalidated because the poster
couldn't be identified. Until next time, farewell, and may the aliens
implant only happy thoughts in your heads.

--
alt.usenet.kooks award-winners & FAQ:
<http://www.insurgent.org/~kook-faq/>

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