BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
                      "Primeval," by David Fury

                        review by David Hines
                             rating: **

Well, thank Ghod *that's* over with.

The Initiative is dead.  Its men are either dead or being debriefed and
sworn to secrecy; its underground headquarters will be filled with
concrete.  "Burn it down, gentlemen," says the Man In Charge.  "Burn it
down and salt the earth."  That sounds about right to me, even if I wonder
how they're going to handle the order on that.  Do they burn it down
first, then fill it with concrete and salt the earth; or burn it down,
salt the earth, and fill it with concrete; or fill it with concrete, salt
the earth, and then burn it; or fill it with concrete, burn it, and then
salt the earth; or...

Of course, it doesn't matter; he's speaking metaphorically.  Though I have
to admit the sentiment isn't a bad idea, and would go so far as to suggest
they salt the earth twice, for good measure.  If you're guessing I've
hated the whole Initiative storyline -- you're right!  And you obviously
haven't been reading my reviews for the season up to this point, or you
wouldn't have to guess.  The Initiative has been an incredibly lame
plotline, with a lame introduction and lame development.  All it has been
missing is a lame capper -- but no more.  "Primeval" fills the void.

It's not that David Fury doesn't try; he does, and makes a fairly valiant
attempt for a man who's been tossed a big ball of suck.  But he has two
things going against him.  First off, he's been tossed a big ball of suck.  
Fury's got to wrap up a storyline that's ill-conceived and dull, dispatch
a major villain who (despite being well-acted) never made much of an
impression, and resolve character conflicts that were never really
explored much, or at all well, in the first place.  There really isn't a
way for him to win here.  Even if he busts his tuchis, reaches deep, and
rises to the occasion with a spectacular diving catch and throw to the
plate, there's no escaping the fact that what lands in his mitt is still
going to be a big ball of suck.  Even if Fury does a bang-up job, the
result is not going to thrill.

The second problem... is that Fury *doesn't* do a bang-up job.

Oh, he does okay for a man who's got a big ball of suck to work with.  He
gets off some good lines and some very cute bits; he writes the characters
as fairly smart; he lets Xander show some life.  Unfortunately, except for
the last, all of that is confined to the first half of the show, after
which the episode is as lame as the season arcs it wraps up.  Some of this
is only partly Fury's fault; the "Slayerettes being driven apart" angle
has been done so ineffectively over the season that the writers have had
to hammer it on in the past couple of episodes to let us know that yes,
they were *trying* to do something, and they hadn't just forgotten quality
screen time for the supporting characters *really.* Accordingly, Fury
doesn't have much choice but to make his resolution of the mess clumsy,
hammering the plotline home even as he resolves it.  The characters saying
there have been problems substitutes for the problems' adequate
development onscreen; this is essentially the writers saying to the
audience, "Look, guys, we were *trying* to do something here, dammit."
Yes, I think they were; but they failed rather impressively, and rubbing
our noses in it now doesn't help.

Some of the problems with the episode, however, *are* Fury's fault (or
Joss Whedon's).  For instance, that far-too-on-the-nose conversation takes
place... where?  If you've seen it, you know, but if you haven't, you
won't believe it: halfway down an elevator shaft!  And not just any
elevator shaft, either. No, this particular heart-to-heart takes place in
the elevator shaft that leads to the headquarters of the Initiative, and
our heroes have this touching chat *while they are rappelling down the
wall.*

You think that breaking into a top-secret military facility is something
best done with some degree of speed and stealth, and that it's probably
not a good idea to take time out for a Heartfelt Conversation while you're
doing it, especially if you're breaking in through an entrance that you
know is heavily monitored and is in fact THE FRONT DOOR?  Not our heroes!
They're actually *surprised* to find several soldiers waiting for them
with zap guns just inside the Initiative.  (They are, however, still
smarter than the Initiative, especially MacNamara, who is written in full
"military moron" cliche mode.)

There's a lot of that kind of thing in the episode: bits here and there
that get a couple of points for cuteness, which are then outright
obliterated by large penalties for utter stupidity.  A particular favorite
of mine is the latest bit of chips-all-around.  Yes, you knew I'd get to
him sooner or later: everybody's favorite commando, Rank Sweatsock!  It's
a kick watching his implanted chip force him to obey as Adam tells him to
sit, stay, speak, shut up, in part because I've wished I could make Stiff
Crotchpole shut up on pretty much a regular basis since his inception.
(Hey, can we get one of those chips for Buffy, too?)  But then, of course,
as we've seen a billion mind-controlled heroes do in a billion movies and
TV shows and comic books before, Bland Coldcuts overcomes his programming
enough to struggle against it.  Although ordered to remain still, he
torturously reaches for a nearby shard of glass, cuts a hole in his chest,
reaches in *with his fingers,* and yanks the chip out.  There's a MAN for
you, folks!

How much of a man is he?  We're told that the chip in Lance Guardrail's
chest is "on the thoracic nerve."  I'm guessing they mean the long
thoracic nerve.  The good news is that it doesn't ennervate anything
absolutely critical -- it goes to serratus anterior, which originates on
the ribs and serves to stabilize and pronate the scapula -- so that even
if he rips the nerve right out, the worst Trip Faceplant is going to wind
up with is a winged shoulderblade.  The bad news is that the long thoracic
nerve runs deep to pectoralis major and minor.  To get to it, Chip
Rockpile (if his anatomy matched normal human, which, based on where he
cut and probed on the show, it doesn't) would have to cut *through* both
muscles, stick a couple fingers in the hole, widen it, feel around, find
the blood-slicked chip, get a grip on it -- and if there's anyone who's
not feeling faint at the mere prospect, savvy this: not only does he rip
the sucker out, he does NOT keel over in shock from the trauma and
attendant blood loss.  No, *he stands up and fights.* (Anybody feeling
nostalgic for the days when we only had to extend our suspicion of
disbelief to the honest-to-goodness supernatural?)

Anyway, the fights are good; there's certainly a hell of a lot of action
and stunts, and most of it is pretty impressive, especially considering
TV's limited time and budget.  There are some directing flubs; several
times, especially when the action is in a wide shot, director James
Contner's framing cramps the style and makes it look as if less is going
on than it actually is.  He does include some decent long and medium shots
of one-on-one fights, though, especially in the final battle between Buffy
and Adam, which at its best lets us see Sophia Crawford getting off some
of the tastiest moves she's had all season.  At its worst... well...

Conceptually, it bites.  To give Buffy the wherewithal she needs to defeat
Adam, the Slayerettes perform a ritual that gives her their combined
powers (Giles's knowledge, Willow's magick, Xander's spirit) and throws in
all the mojo that ever juiced all the Slayers just for good measure.  The
ritual boosts Buffy's strength and speed tremendously, and also gives her
the useful power to evaporate bullets with very pretty MATRIX-style
effects, and the useful ability to transmute larger missiles into doves,
as well as some other nifty things.  Plus, when she rips out Adam's
uranium core, she's able to fold space-time to make it wink out of
existence.  (Obviously, Xander has been holding back on us.)  Just in case
anyone was doubting it, you see, *Buffy does need her friends, because she
is stronger and more firm of purpose when the Slayerettes are united.* The
theme isn't just hammered mercilessly, as in the elevator shaft; it's
beaten to death.

Still, the ham-handedness has a certain twisted symmetry to it.  After
all, Joss Whedon has remarked a number of times that the WB's CHARMED
survives by doing riffs on BUFFY; in a warped way, it's sort of amusing to
see this limping season of BUFFY returning the favor.

(At least until Spike returns a few seconds later, and the Slayerettes,
 who *know* full well what he's been up to, and that the *only* reason
 he's doing anything to help them is so he can live to kill again someday,
 decide that because he saved their lives solely to avoid being staked,
 they can't rightly stake him -- oh, *ghod.*)

The good news: it's over.  And in a sad, fitting way, this season's story
arc has been given the send-off it deserves.  A few sparkles.  Some good
performances.  A good chunk of sheer stupidity.  But mostly, ultimately,
*cripplingly*... "Primeval" is simply *lame.*

Joss Whedon doesn't need the remaining episode this season for a coda.  He
needs it to apologize.

The ground.  Salt.

*Twice.*

--
David Hines

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<snip most 'cos I'm sleepy and sick>

My impression of that scene was that they didn't stake him because at
that point, after the oh-so-dangerous-but-cool spell they had just done,
they were too exhausted to care.  Then again, they immediately went out
and saved the lives of a bunch of soldiers by killing a bunch of demons,
so that doesn't work.  Okay, I know there must have been some kind of
logic here...  They didn't stake him because, after taking over
Jonathan's role in _The Matrix_ in their fight with Adam, putting a
pointy piece of wood in the heart of an undead shell-of-a-loser would
just be too anticlimactic.  Yeah, that works.

While I've enjoyed this season's episodes much more than you have, I'm
forced to agree with you about the treatment of the arc.  I've loved, or
at least really liked, every episode that hasn't been "Where the Wild
Things Are" or "A New Man," but I can't say I've looked forward to where
the plot was going.  I haven't *cared*.  Haven't had the least little
bit of suspense, just a little twinge of curiosity about whether or not
they'd give an adequate explanation of the Initiative's motives in
creating a monster to destroy the human race in order to save it or
whatever all that was about, and of course they didn't.  (Why did the
Man In Charge say they'd had 40% casualties as if they'd wanted their
guys to live?  Wasn't the whole POINT that Maggie'd wanted Adam to kill
a bunch of beings for their parts?)

I have to say that Adam as a villain impressed me as much as The Master
in first season.  Didn't like that guy either.

Or at least give us something to talk about over the summer.  (Xander
lied.  Full of Grace.  The WB folks are morons for postponing G2.  What
oh what can top those classics?)

-- CB

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Science is not the way to find answers to all our questions.
Science is a way to find better questions.

In article <NFKU4.15805$Y4.65...@typhoon2.san.rr.com>, hrad...@mib.org

Yep. Couldn't agree more...

Don't forget Willow! (Or Spike, for that matter...)

I'll probably cover this more in my Year-End Review, but wasn't anyone
*appalled* by this turn of events?!

I mean, for all intents and purposes, Buffy *cheated* to beat Adam!

Yeah, that's right Folks! You don't need any real "Slayer powers" to do
your Slayer duty! That's right! All you need is a couple of friends who
are going to help you *cheat* to defeat your Mortal Enemy! Ain't that
grand, Kids?!

Maybe it's just me, but this "final cheating" finished deflating what was
already a lackluster finale for me.

(And don't get me started on the "battle" shots which looked cheap - like
they were filmed on a Universal Studios backlot! And to think people
complained about GD2. At least those battle sequences *worked*!)

Except that "Charmed" does it better. Actually, "Charmed" does *both*
things better...

The bad news? I think this is just the begining! (But I hope to Ghu I am
wrong...)

--
Ian J. Ball        | "I'm not going to have somebody probing my mind,  
Ph.D. Chemist,     |  looking for things that aren't there!"
& TV lover         |    - Tricia Dennison McNeil, CBS's Y&R
ib...@socal.rr.com |  http://members.aol.com/IJBall/WWW/TV.html

In article <39237DE9.917AF...@erols.com>, "C. Barrans"

Oh, I think we know what this summer's classics will be: "Did Season #4
Suck as Badly as I Think It Did?!" and "Is 'Buffy" Finished (as a Good
Show)?"

Ladies and Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!  <vroom> <vroom>

--
Ian J. Ball        | "I'm not going to have somebody probing my mind,  
Ph.D. Chemist,     |  looking for things that aren't there!"
& TV lover         |    - Tricia Dennison McNeil, CBS's Y&R
ib...@socal.rr.com |  http://members.aol.com/IJBall/WWW/TV.html

In article <iball***death-to-SPAM***-697312.22422817052...@news-server.socal.rr.com>,
Ian J. Ball <iball***death-to-SPAM...@socal.rr.com> wrote:

While a lot of the time I don't agree with David Hines, his comments
are always intelligible and articulate.

This, on the other hand, is just from outer space.  "Cheated"?  Saving
the world from techno-Frankenstein's-monsters is a game?  Someone has
set up rules and is keeping score?  

They thought of a way to beat Adam, and they used it.  It seems little
different to me from using a rocket launcher to blow up the Judge -- did
you object to that too?

You can call it a deus ex machina.  You can say it was a heavy-handed
use of theme.  You can note that it weakens future storylines by creating
something that can handle problems too easily.  People have raised all
these objections, and with some truth.

But saying they were *cheating*...??

--
   David Goldfarb       <*>|"Understanding is a three-edged sword."
goldf...@ocf.berkeley.edu  |
aster...@slip.net          |         -- Babylon 5, "Deathwalker"
goldf...@csua.berkeley.edu |

In article <8g0823$ng...@agate.berkeley.edu>, goldf...@OCF.Berkeley.EDU

<iball***death-to-SPAM***-697312.22422817052...@news-server.socal.rr.com>,

Wow, you don't get it so it's from "outer space"? Nice...

Look, The Slayer is supposed to be an honorable warrior who beats Evil in
a clean fight. What she did by using trickery and magic to win this fight
was not honorable. By doing this, she devalued The Slayer in my book.

--
Ian J. Ball        | "I'm not going to have somebody probing my mind,
Ph.D. Chemist,     |  looking for things that aren't there!"
& TV lover         |    - Tricia Dennison McNeil, CBS's Y&R
ib...@socal.rr.com |  http://members.aol.com/IJBall/WWW/TV.html

So was it honorable for her to trick Luke in "The Harvest?"  How about
the vamps she back-stabbed or beheaded when they weren't aware of her
presence?  Using a rocket launcher on The Judge?  Working with Spike?
Fooling Faith?  The times Willow has cast a spell to assist the fight?  

Look, she's the Slayer, not a Samurai.  She doesn't follow the code of
Bushido, she follows the code of Wining Any Way I Can.    

-- Mike Zeares
"From day one, Buffy only resorts to thought after she has established
that violence won't work." -- William George Ferguson

iball***death-to-SPAM...@socal.rr.com (Ian J. Ball) wrote in <iball***death-to-
SPAM***-1805000839440...@pool0617.cvx5-bradley.dialup.earthlink.net>:

  And here I thought you were referring to the *writer's* cheating.

  Are you serious about this?  Because I, a relative Buffy neophyte, have never
gotten the impression, from either the episode synopses or the episodes I have
seen, that there was any such idea of "honorable warrior".

Jammer Jim Roberts-Miller
--
Texas A&M '89, '91                             "Is there in Truth no Beauty?"
"Of course, you do not have to go to the moon to find cold, dark, and
inhospitable...conditions.  Much of Canada will do." -- the Economist
http://www.mindspring.com/~jammerjim/jimpg01.html

[...]
beats Evil in a clean fight. What she did by using trickery and
magic to win this fight >was not honorable. By doing this, she
devalued The Slayer in my book.

No offense, Ian, but that's bullshit.

Buffy has always used trickery and magic against her opponents
[the ruse in Enemies to smoke out Faith; tricking Luke in the
Harvest; the clouding spell in Zeppo; even the little
run-and-stumble technique she uses against average, everyday
vamps, pretending she's an ordinary girl so they'll chase her]
and I've never seen that as being dishonorable. She's doing what
it takes to win.

She has never been overly concerned with "honor" and I, for one,
am damn glad of it. It's a stupid concept that says you can't
fight your dirtiest when someone's trying to kill you/become a
snakedemon/suck the world into hell, etc.

victoria p.
the dishonorable Miss July

--

"Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this!" Tony Soprano,
_The Sopranos_

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