Aho, my great friends. There are some things in life that just didn't seem
attainable to me at the time. Almost 10 years ago, I cannot describe the
despair that I felt. The feeling that I could not quit, could not sustain
one and couldn't believe I was going to try to quit one more time. What a
hard place to be.
But it just goes to show that there are ways to get quit and stay quit. I
am your example of that. Please believe me when I say.. This is NOT a "If
I can do it, you can do it." statement. I used to laugh at those who would
say such things. They weren't in my shoes! But it is a statement to say
that I found a way that fit me and has allowed me to reach this point in my
life where I feel I am quit for all time. I want to encourage you to
continue to find the quit that fits.
It has been many years, truth be told, that I have even thought of smoking
in response to some feeling or emotion or stress that I was going through.
But that doesn't mean that I don't APPRECIATE where I'm at today when one of
those emotions strike. Oh, my.. it is glorious here.
I want to celebrate this success in some way. I hope you will indulge me.
I went back into the archives and dug out my milestone posts. I would like
to repost them and will state in the Subject line that that is what I am
doing. What struck me the most was the growth through the years. I have
not edited them. What I wrote at the time is what you will read.
So, here it is..
One year quit...
Aho
I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship.
~ Louisa May Alcott ~
I am Yukpa hashi. I am Chahta, Cherokee, English, Irish and Scots. I'd to
take up the talking stick this one last time. I hope you'll circle up with
me and sit a spell. Smile. Mitakuye oyasin. Yaqne. (Both terms mean
essentially the same thing which is "All my relatives" but are different
languages; Lakota and Chahta respectively. It's a blessing.)
One year ago today, I quit cold turkey. I took St. John's Wort for quite a
while and then started Wellbutrin about two months ago. I can't even begin
to describe this near overwhelming feeling of great joy I'm experiencing at
the moment. I did it!!! Wow. Smile.
I remember a year ago seeing someone turn into an OF. I remember feeling
like that seemed so unattainable at the time. After all, I had already tried
to quit *so many times*. I have tried it all. All of it. In fact, I think I
still have the Stop Smoking tapes around here somewhere. I even had a 2 1/2
year quit before and blew it. So what gave me the impression that I might
succeed this time? This newsgroup. I found this joint and had the good sense
to stick around. Big Smile. I've met lots of folks here in AS3 who have
changed my life for all time because of their wonderful advice and support.
There's no way to repay all of you but I thank you so much!
When I was newbie, I appreciated reading the posts of those who had been
there and had succeeded. Their picture of what it was like where they were
gave me something to look forward to. Well, I'd like to tell you what my
picture is like here.... at this place of one year of Smoke Freedom.
THEN: I started out a year ago, hoping that by quitting smoking, I would be
able to breathe uninhibited again. The bottom line was that I couldn't
breathe very well. Exertion-caused symptoms were starting to worry me. And I
couldn't play ball with my grandsons! Now that got my attention. It was time
to get my life back before it was too late.
NOW: How am I now? Well, for the first time EVER, I wore my grandsons out
this past weekend going through museums. Big Smile. This is great news! In
the past, I had always wanted to go home LONG before they were ready. Well,
that's history. Big Grin. This past year I have climbed mountains, both
emotionally and physically. I did things that I thought were impossible
before. And they *were* impossible before. Quitting smoking gave me the
courage to try new things.
THEN: In my past attempts at quitting smoking, I simply hung on for dear
life for as long as I could. I described it in an earlier post, I think, as
a smoker who was simply not smoking. I never felt secure in my quit.
NOW: This time around, I learned Cog Quitting. Learning this method secured
my quit for all time. Once you get past the withdrawals, then it seems to
me, it becomes a head game. Cog Quitting taught me how to change the
dialogue in my brain. I learned how to handle life in a different way.
ddSteve, you are the best. Thank you for having the patience to teach me
this way of getting smoke free. That I reached this place is, in part, due
to you. I'm very, very grateful. The bottom line is that Cog Quitting gave
me the confidence that I am truly done.
THEN: I had no clue what was gonna happen when I decided to quit smoking. I
had lurked in AS3 for two weeks prior to 5/25. And then on 5/25, I got
inspired by Tony T. and decided that was it, I was gonna do it. I gave
myself a quit time of 2 PM that day. I was scared to death but I held to the
time frame.
NOW: Almost the moment I first posted my intent to quit, someone was there
to help me. You guys know about this AS3 support phenomena that happens
here. I don't subscribe to any other newsgroups at the moment but I have and
our newsgroup is totally awesome. We win hands down for support and
information.
I was really fortunate to have found my support group. They stood in with me
through it all, which I find amazing. That's the truth. Mr. T. and Ms. M,
you know how some people come into our lives and we're never the same
afterwards? That's how you impacted my life. What a gift you have given to
me this past year. Thank you, my great friends.
THEN: From the beginning, I stayed close to AS3. I have read most of my old
posts here recently. (You'll understand why at the end of this milestone
post.) I have realized how incredibly verbose I was. Man, I wrote a lot!!!
But you know what? What a great tool that turned out to be for me. When
Rosie says, "Read and Post", you'd better follow her advice. It really
works. Smile.
NOW: I still stay close to AS3 and I'm still verbose and Rosie still says,
Read and Post. Smile. This didn't change. Bigger Smile.
The bottom line is that I am a different person now. I know that those who
have watched me this past year have seen me "morphing" into a non-smoker. I
appreciate the physical changes.... my chest doesn't hurt, a congested nose
means I just have a cold, I can walk for miles and not get winded, I can
climb mountains and gather rocks up under an ages old Cypress tree, I can
breathe deeply and clearly. But the best part? I can laugh out loud and long
and not have it end in a coughing spasm. Being able to laugh is one of the
greatest gifts to me. But I truly think it is the emotional changes, the
difference in my thinking, that I appreciate the most. I think that by
quitting smoking a door opened up to a whole world of possibilities. What
was once a narrow, hidden, gray-faced smoker is now a person who has no
limits. Quite literally.
I know it is hard to imagine this when you are just starting. But it is what
I have found to be my truth. I really love reading the posts from newbies.
You are the best. Your display of courage in your struggle for smoke freedom
is awesome and reminds me of where I started. By putting one foot in front
of the other, you will get to where I am. Then I hope you will post your
picture of what it is like for you. I'll be waiting to hear.
To thank all of those that have helped me over this past year is simply an
impossible task. AS3 was a gift. I not only found wonderful support, but I
found wisdom and the information I needed to get me past that hard moment.
(Bob C., VOF, and friend, I would like to thank you especially. AS3 is
graced by you. Thank you for being there for all of us.) I thank you my AS3
family for helping this round-bottomed Chahta grandma make it to this point:
One year, 0 minutes and 30 seconds. 7300 cigarettes not smoked, saving
$1,211.80. Life saved: 3 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, 20 minutes.
To my 5/25'ers, my quit family, who walked the walk with me every step of
the way, who filled my mailbox with tears and laughter and support and love
and every other emotion you can imagine (because over this year, it seems we
experienced it all), the day we found ourselves banded together as a group
was the best day of my quit life. You are simply the best, my friends. My
Sister Selma, my huggy brother, Franz, my teacher brother, Frank, our leader
of the pack brother, Harry, our wanderer brother, Map and our Aussie
brother, Mark.... wherever you are, that's where I'll be. We've got so much
more life to share now because of our commitment that we made one year ago.
I love you. Thank you for being with me.
Oh, one last note.... I have opened up a website that archives the posts
that I have written over this past year about this journey to Smoke Freedom.
I hope you will go take a look and let me know what you think. I worked with
my friend, Steve (slackr). He built this wonderful site for me. (Thank you,
my friend, for your great gift. You are awesome.) Go take a look:
www.talkingstick.net
To be able to do what I have dreamed about for one year now is so COOL. You
guys gotta show me respect now!!! I'm an OF!!! Giggling here. Paul, you got
the champagne chilled? I am finally gonna get to meet all of you OF's, DOF's
and VOF's whose light led the way for me here. I bet you have some grand
stories to share and I want to hear them all. I have the time now, some life
saved, because of my decision that I made one year ago today. I've met all
kinds of waters in sailing my ship but I made port. And now I'm ready.
SPLASH!!!!!!!!
Aho.
Yukpa hashi, OF
Laughing Moon/Pat/Gaire Solas/Yareakh Tzokheq/budette/kite maker/Bish/pk
