I don't suppose God will forgive me for killing myself, but that is just the way I feel.
I was baptized in early 1996 and my life has gone down the tubes eversince. In fact, I live in a constant hell of financial misery and clinical depression.
I asked God for love, he sent me a crazy person into my life. We had everything at one time. But she was a liar and unfaithful and our business suffered, as well as my emotional state. I have been struggling through health problems, both physical and emotional for the last few years. I practically worked myself to death at the business. I basically lost everything I owned and now I am in debt and I am being sued for financial debts. And now I am all alone. I have no money to give them, I have no job and I have no hope at all left. It's all over. I can't even pay my next month's rent in my tiny little apartment. I am down to my last 140 dollars.
After dealing with this for over 3 years, I am ready to quit living. I mean by suicide. Please, I am not asking for a savior. I am only here to state my case. I don't believe in God any longer, nor do I believe in the bible. It all appears to be one big lie and I cannot stand these lies.
People keep telling me that these are lessons I am learning. I don't believe that. I am numb from head to toe and I am at the end. Do I blame God? No, not really. I more blame myself for being so stupid to live in these dream world that is Christianity. And my health just keeps getting worse.
So where the hell is god in all this? He is no where to be found. Perhaps this manic god of the bible wants me dead. Fuck, I hope so, 'cause this awful life is just not worth living any longer.
Religion was a cancer in my life and I wasted too many years believing in this invisible god. It's all just insanity and more insanity and it ruined my life.
>I don't suppose God will forgive me for killing myself, but that is > just the way I feel.
> I was baptized in early 1996 and my life has gone down the tubes > eversince. In fact, I live in a constant hell of financial misery and > clinical depression.
> I asked God for love, he sent me a crazy person into my life. We had > everything at one time. But she was a liar and unfaithful and our > business suffered, as well as my emotional state. I have been > struggling through health problems, both physical and emotional for the > last few years. I practically worked myself to death at the business. I > basically lost everything I owned and now I am in debt and I am being > sued for financial debts. And now I am all alone. I have no money to > give them, I have no job and I have no hope at all left. It's all over. > I can't even pay my next month's rent in my tiny little apartment. I am > down to my last 140 dollars.
> After dealing with this for over 3 years, I am ready to quit living. I > mean by suicide. Please, I am not asking for a savior. I am only here > to state my case. I don't believe in God any longer, nor do I believe > in the bible. It all appears to be one big lie and I cannot stand these > lies.
> People keep telling me that these are lessons I am learning. I don't > believe that. I am numb from head to toe and I am at the end. Do I > blame God? No, not really. I more blame myself for being so stupid to > live in these dream world that is Christianity. And my health just > keeps getting worse.
> So where the hell is god in all this? He is no where to be found. > Perhaps this manic god of the bible wants me dead. Fuck, I hope so, > 'cause this awful life is just not worth living any longer.
> Religion was a cancer in my life and I wasted too many years believing > in this invisible god. It's all just insanity and more insanity and it > ruined my life.
>> I was baptized in early 1996 and my life has gone down the tubes >> eversince. In fact, I live in a constant hell of financial misery and >> clinical depression.
>> I asked God for love, he sent me a crazy person into my life. We had >> everything at one time. But she was a liar and unfaithful and our >> business suffered, as well as my emotional state. I have been >> struggling through health problems, both physical and emotional for the >> last few years. I practically worked myself to death at the business. I >> basically lost everything I owned and now I am in debt and I am being >> sued for financial debts. And now I am all alone. I have no money to >> give them, I have no job and I have no hope at all left. It's all over. >> I can't even pay my next month's rent in my tiny little apartment. I am >> down to my last 140 dollars.
>> After dealing with this for over 3 years, I am ready to quit living. I >> mean by suicide. Please, I am not asking for a savior. I am only here >> to state my case. I don't believe in God any longer, nor do I believe >> in the bible. It all appears to be one big lie and I cannot stand these >> lies.
>> People keep telling me that these are lessons I am learning. I don't >> believe that. I am numb from head to toe and I am at the end. Do I >> blame God? No, not really. I more blame myself for being so stupid to >> live in these dream world that is Christianity. And my health just >> keeps getting worse.
>> So where the hell is god in all this? He is no where to be found. >> Perhaps this manic god of the bible wants me dead. Fuck, I hope so, >> 'cause this awful life is just not worth living any longer.
>> Religion was a cancer in my life and I wasted too many years believing >> in this invisible god. It's all just insanity and more insanity and it >> ruined my life.
Please, friend, I beg you to reconsider the value of your life. Despite all of your sufferings and misfortunes, you do have a life to live for. We are a people of resiliance despite suffering. If you can consider this, please do: If you find yourself looking back on your life from some form of after life, do you want to realize that you gave up? You have a strength within you to face all of this, your own strength and no one elses. You have a strength to bounce back and let people know that you aren't going to take it anymore. I understand that you are angry at God for not offering you blessings in these areas, but you still have such great things you can do for this world if you resolve yourself to stand up and fight. Do not resign to the shadows. As the great Dylan Thomas wrote: Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
I hope you find your strength and you will be on my thoughts.
>I don't suppose God will forgive me for killing myself, but that is > just the way I feel.
> I was baptized in early 1996 and my life has gone down the tubes > eversince. In fact, I live in a constant hell of financial misery and > clinical depression.
> I asked God for love, he sent me a crazy person into my life. We had > everything at one time. But she was a liar and unfaithful and our > business suffered, as well as my emotional state. I have been > struggling through health problems, both physical and emotional for the > last few years. I practically worked myself to death at the business. I > basically lost everything I owned and now I am in debt and I am being > sued for financial debts. And now I am all alone. I have no money to > give them, I have no job and I have no hope at all left. It's all over. > I can't even pay my next month's rent in my tiny little apartment. I am > down to my last 140 dollars.
> After dealing with this for over 3 years, I am ready to quit living. I > mean by suicide. Please, I am not asking for a savior. I am only here > to state my case. I don't believe in God any longer, nor do I believe > in the bible. It all appears to be one big lie and I cannot stand these > lies.
> People keep telling me that these are lessons I am learning. I don't > believe that. I am numb from head to toe and I am at the end. Do I > blame God? No, not really. I more blame myself for being so stupid to > live in these dream world that is Christianity. And my health just > keeps getting worse.
> So where the hell is god in all this? He is no where to be found. > Perhaps this manic god of the bible wants me dead. Fuck, I hope so, > 'cause this awful life is just not worth living any longer.
> Religion was a cancer in my life and I wasted too many years believing > in this invisible god. It's all just insanity and more insanity and it > ruined my life.
> "SheBlewHimDidYouBlowHim?" <KILL...@KILLGOD.COM> wrote in message > news:l_6Hd.4146$Rs.753@newsread3.news.atl.earthlink.net... >> congratulations for finally realizing the truth, worshipping god is >> NOTHING more than a BIG WASTE OF TIME.
> You worship hate and that is an even bigger waste of time.
>>> I was baptized in early 1996 and my life has gone down the tubes >>> eversince. In fact, I live in a constant hell of financial misery and >>> clinical depression.
>>> I asked God for love, he sent me a crazy person into my life. We had >>> everything at one time. But she was a liar and unfaithful and our >>> business suffered, as well as my emotional state. I have been >>> struggling through health problems, both physical and emotional for the >>> last few years. I practically worked myself to death at the business. I >>> basically lost everything I owned and now I am in debt and I am being >>> sued for financial debts. And now I am all alone. I have no money to >>> give them, I have no job and I have no hope at all left. It's all over. >>> I can't even pay my next month's rent in my tiny little apartment. I am >>> down to my last 140 dollars.
>>> After dealing with this for over 3 years, I am ready to quit living. I >>> mean by suicide. Please, I am not asking for a savior. I am only here >>> to state my case. I don't believe in God any longer, nor do I believe >>> in the bible. It all appears to be one big lie and I cannot stand these >>> lies.
>>> People keep telling me that these are lessons I am learning. I don't >>> believe that. I am numb from head to toe and I am at the end. Do I >>> blame God? No, not really. I more blame myself for being so stupid to >>> live in these dream world that is Christianity. And my health just >>> keeps getting worse.
>>> So where the hell is god in all this? He is no where to be found. >>> Perhaps this manic god of the bible wants me dead. Fuck, I hope so, >>> 'cause this awful life is just not worth living any longer.
>>> Religion was a cancer in my life and I wasted too many years believing >>> in this invisible god. It's all just insanity and more insanity and it >>> ruined my life.
>I don't suppose God will forgive me for killing myself, but that is > just the way I feel.
> I was baptized in early 1996 and my life has gone down the tubes > eversince. In fact, I live in a constant hell of financial misery and > clinical depression.
> I asked God for love, he sent me a crazy person into my life. We had > everything at one time. But she was a liar and unfaithful and our > business suffered, as well as my emotional state. I have been > struggling through health problems, both physical and emotional for the > last few years. I practically worked myself to death at the business. I > basically lost everything I owned and now I am in debt and I am being > sued for financial debts. And now I am all alone. I have no money to > give them, I have no job and I have no hope at all left. It's all over. > I can't even pay my next month's rent in my tiny little apartment. I am > down to my last 140 dollars.
> After dealing with this for over 3 years, I am ready to quit living. I > mean by suicide. Please, I am not asking for a savior. I am only here > to state my case. I don't believe in God any longer, nor do I believe > in the bible. It all appears to be one big lie and I cannot stand these > lies.
> People keep telling me that these are lessons I am learning. I don't > believe that. I am numb from head to toe and I am at the end. Do I > blame God? No, not really. I more blame myself for being so stupid to > live in these dream world that is Christianity. And my health just > keeps getting worse.
> So where the hell is god in all this? He is no where to be found. > Perhaps this manic god of the bible wants me dead. Fuck, I hope so, > 'cause this awful life is just not worth living any longer.
> Religion was a cancer in my life and I wasted too many years believing > in this invisible god. It's all just insanity and more insanity and it > ruined my life.
> Please, friend, I beg you to reconsider the value of your life. Despite all > of your sufferings and misfortunes, you do have a life to live for. We are > a people of resiliance despite suffering. If you can consider this, please > do: If you find yourself looking back on your life from some form of after > life, do you want to realize that you gave up? You have a strength within > you to face all of this, your own strength and no one elses. You have a > strength to bounce back and let people know that you aren't going to take it > anymore. I understand that you are angry at God for not offering you > blessings in these areas, but you still have such great things you can do > for this world if you resolve yourself to stand up and fight. Do not resign > to the shadows. As the great Dylan Thomas wrote: Do not go gentle into that > good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
I used to be able to rage against the dying light. But I am not sure where that good energy went. These days I just feel lifeless and listless. I have no energy left at all and just the simplest of things require an enormous amount of effort. I guess this comes with clinical depression.
Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. I have fought on long enough. Basically, I am tired of fighting and my rent is due. I have creditors calling me for past business debts. Now one is suing me. I have no money to give for him or for hiring of a lawyer at 200 dollars/hour. I explained this to them and they sued just the same. I have considered bankruptcy but I have not even the capital for that. So soon I will have to drag myself into court for my first appearance in this financial matter.
> I hope you find your strength and you will be on my thoughts.
> -RS
Thanks RS. I will give your thoughts and words some consideration. But I am still not sure how I would be able to manage my bills. They are in the thousands and I can't even afford next month's rent. And I am just fed up with depression and pain.
> "RS" <rswa...@bu.edu> wrote in message > news:csjrv9$39i$1@news3.bu.edu... >> Please, friend, I beg you to reconsider the value of your life. > Despite all >> of your sufferings and misfortunes, you do have a life to live for. > We are >> a people of resiliance despite suffering. If you can consider this, > please >> do: If you find yourself looking back on your life from some form of > after >> life, do you want to realize that you gave up? You have a strength > within >> you to face all of this, your own strength and no one elses. You > have a >> strength to bounce back and let people know that you aren't going to > take it >> anymore. I understand that you are angry at God for not offering you
>> blessings in these areas, but you still have such great things you > can do >> for this world if you resolve yourself to stand up and fight. Do not > resign >> to the shadows. As the great Dylan Thomas wrote: Do not go gentle > into that >> good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
> I used to be able to rage against the dying light. But I am not sure > where that good energy went. These days I just feel lifeless and > listless. I have no energy left at all and just the simplest of things > require an enormous amount of effort. I guess this comes with clinical > depression.
> Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. I have fought on long enough. > Basically, I am tired of fighting and my rent is due. I have creditors > calling me for past business debts. Now one is suing me. I have no > money to give for him or for hiring of a lawyer at 200 dollars/hour. I > explained this to them and they sued just the same. I have considered > bankruptcy but I have not even the capital for that. So soon I will > have to drag myself into court for my first appearance in this > financial matter.
>> I hope you find your strength and you will be on my thoughts.
>> -RS
> Thanks RS. I will give your thoughts and words some consideration. But > I am still not sure how I would be able to manage my bills. They are in > the thousands and I can't even afford next month's rent. And I am just > fed up with depression and pain.
Do you have friends who would take you into their home until you could get back on your feet? I am aware of being depressed, and know that it seems as if it will never go away. I can assure you, however, that it will. It will be a long and hard road, and the world will be against you. You may not find strength and have to struggle along the way, but once you climb out of this canyon, you will be as right as rain :) A job will find itself to you if you are open to opportunities, and you will find your footing again. I am sure of it. I hope you find peace in your life and tranquility in your mind. Be well, friend.
> "RS" <rswa...@bu.edu> wrote in message > news:csjrv9$39i$1@news3.bu.edu... >> Please, friend, I beg you to reconsider the value of your life. > Despite all >> of your sufferings and misfortunes, you do have a life to live for. > We are >> a people of resiliance despite suffering. If you can consider this, > please >> do: If you find yourself looking back on your life from some form of > after >> life, do you want to realize that you gave up? You have a strength > within >> you to face all of this, your own strength and no one elses. You > have a >> strength to bounce back and let people know that you aren't going to > take it >> anymore. I understand that you are angry at God for not offering you
>> blessings in these areas, but you still have such great things you > can do >> for this world if you resolve yourself to stand up and fight. Do not > resign >> to the shadows. As the great Dylan Thomas wrote: Do not go gentle > into that >> good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
> I used to be able to rage against the dying light. But I am not sure > where that good energy went. These days I just feel lifeless and > listless. I have no energy left at all and just the simplest of things > require an enormous amount of effort. I guess this comes with clinical > depression.
> Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. I have fought on long enough. > Basically, I am tired of fighting and my rent is due. I have creditors > calling me for past business debts. Now one is suing me. I have no > money to give for him or for hiring of a lawyer at 200 dollars/hour. I > explained this to them and they sued just the same. I have considered > bankruptcy but I have not even the capital for that. So soon I will > have to drag myself into court for my first appearance in this > financial matter.
>> I hope you find your strength and you will be on my thoughts.
>> -RS
> Thanks RS. I will give your thoughts and words some consideration. But > I am still not sure how I would be able to manage my bills. They are in > the thousands and I can't even afford next month's rent. And I am just > fed up with depression and pain.
why doesn't he just ask an invisible non-existant god to fix all his problems ???
I'm sure the same god that murdered 150,000 people in the tsunami wouldn't mind helping out a fellow human being (after all, we are made in "his" image).
"RS" <rswa...@bu.edu> wrote in message news:cskqiq$srt$1@news3.bu.edu... > Do you have friends who would take you into their home until you could get > back on your feet? I am aware of being depressed, and know that it seems > as if it will never go away. I can assure you, however, that it will. It > will be a long and hard road, and the world will be against you. You may > not find strength and have to struggle along the way, but once you climb
