Thu Feb 26 1:15 Am

So I have a serious problem. It has to do with school. Perhaps it has to do with tedious work in general. I Have now written two journal entries and read one chapter. I would hardly call this proper class participation but I suppose that I will have to just go with the flow here. I feel extremely alienated from the class because I am only in this one class and not in the play either. I would have loved to have done the play, but I have to work strange hours and had very short notice about the auditions. Anyways. 

Tue mar 24th

So I would like to do the modern play Beyond therapy. I didn't read it but I just have a feeling that I would appreciate it more than Shakespeare or chekov.  I also did not read a page from the book because I have been sick and working like crazy and am also lazy.



Mon mar 30,000,000,000th

So I need to read a monologue and have the 5 w's figured out?   Bah. Lame. 

So i like this part...has the most depth and shit.

Who- 33 years old, hard of hearing (*wink*, thought that up on my own) depressed over debts and drinking and lonelyness
What-calling to collect on debts to save his home
where-in a small town fairly spread out populous in russia, in the livingroom of a dead friends widow
when-mid-19th century, just before dinner after a long day of traveling
why-he felt compelled to change his circumstances after he dropped his last vodka bottle and it shattered. he wept for an hour over the loss, It made him realize where he had sunk to. Having fought with this woman he is suddenly struck and finds himself completely at a loss. completely out of his element - and falling for her

SMIRNOV. I'll bring her down like a chicken! I'm not a little boy or a sentimental puppy; I don't care about this "softer sex." [] If she fights, well that's equality of rights, emancipation, and all that! Here the sexes are equal! I'll shoot her on principle! But what a woman! [Parodying her] "Devil take you! I'll put a bullet into your thick head." Eh? How she reddened, how her cheeks shone! . . . She accepted my challenge! My word, it's the first time in my life that I've seen. . . .[] She is a woman! That's the sort I can understand! A real woman! Not a sour-faced jellybag, but fire, gunpowder, a rocket! I'm even sorry to have to kill her! [] I absolutely like her! Absolutely! Even though her cheeks are dimpled, I like her! I'm almost ready to let the debt go . . . and I'm not angry any longer. . . . Wonderful woman!

God damn it I can't get serious about these things easily because it is such a infinitesimal fraction of my time. I just have to switch between guy going to work to pay the bills to passionate artist. I just want to get focused on these things and not be so worried about the bills.


april 7th 1:52 am.....yaaay happy b-day to me.


So I forgot what exactly I needed to do for homework. I read the entire script.  I have to say that my most favorite scene is the scene that starts with Stuart on the phone.

who - 35 therapist. hyper-macho, still a child inside, extremely unsure of himself, covers with bravado
what - realizing that he no longer has control over this patient, tries to bait her away from this "better man"
when - 1964, wed, 2:30pm (hungry again after lunch)
where - nyny, therapists office big leather couch
why - he needs to keep this girl under his control so as to not lose his pride even further. convinces himself that its not him, but its them, so he attempts to keep them under his wing. only had a mother....tried to construct his veiw of a man through popular culture



April 23ndrd-tron

So wow. Yesterday was brutality.  Maybe I am an overly-critical guy, but yesterday's experience in directing class completely validates Anatoly storming out the week earlier.  By the time we got to my last scene I was so devoid of creative energy that it was a waste for me to even perform.


Clair and Sergio - Despite my director and her friends incredibly loud guffaws, I found this scene to consist of a child acting out merely because she had an excuse coupled with a log of indifference trying in vain to play the straight man. Clair, you actions *could* be genuinely funny, but you need to justify them. Right now, yelling and scribbling is just that. You need to show her motivation for doing so, i.e., looking about the room, visualizing the 1000 thoughts racing through her brain and then picking one to act on. Also, you must connect to Sergio in some way. Right now he is just forced to sit and watch rather than engage you.  Sergio, um well I would have done the same as you I am afraid, you must try and connect or be constantly searching for an in-point to try and connect to her. Otherwise you are a dead man watching a harpy.

Mary and Ryan?...forget name....fail - Bruce needs more preacting. Simple as that. Just add more to it.The line "you need therapy" was much too happy, seemed out of place. Find a reason for saying it.  "To risk, to risk" was DOA. Needs blocking to give it life and, once again a reason to say it. Mary - keep your voice more in your natural range. You have a tendency to chirp rather high when delivering your lines, which makes them hard to understand. Try and just speak with your natural voice, and then add your own emotion rather than adding dynamics to your voice. Also, you smiled a whole lot, it seemed to contradict what you said quite often. It seems that you are thinking about getting through the lines more that what they mean ore why you would say them. I guarentee that if you assign meaning to each line, they will flow freely.

Well I ran out of steam after clair's scene and failed to write any more notes.  I would say something for jenna's scene, but it amounted to a cold reading and needs much more preparation before I can say anything. Stripy-shirt-girl's scene I can't even remember.

I wish I could have gone first yesterday. I was just so devastated by the usless feedback and disruptive "show laughter" that I couldn't even operate. People were laughing less at funny things, but more to show that they like to laugh. It was like a creativity vacuum in there. I don't even know what to say.  I just hate how the only people that think through things and have any useful suggestions at all, don't say anything.

My performances were abysmal. I need to spend a huge amout of time learning to cut out my own thoughts of failure and the audiences approval and just become the character.  I have so little experience actually performing that my ADD takes over and I become completely absorbed in my own awarness of what I am supposed to do, what the audience *might* be thinking, and so on.  I screwed up my lines over and over because I was only thinking about the director's watching, the class not laughing, my props, and my disdain for certain directions given to me.  I was gladdened by Anatoly saying that my staying in the chair the whole scene was stupid. I feel that Pedro and others are mixing up making strong choices with making choices strongly. It's fine to try these ideas, but when it detracts from the actor's performance, or worse, the scene, it is just a case of pride. We need to experiment and collaborate rather than just mandate. I will admit that a huge amount of that foolish pride is my own, and I apologize to being so difficult to Pedro, I will try to be more open. But I pray that he understands that it is the scene that matters, not the use of every idea he has.  The end of the play between me and Sally was horrifying. When she touched my face I have never seen a more empty gesture. That needs huge amouts of work. But my directors seem to think once every 3-4 days works just dandy. Fail.

april 27th

So I worked on my scenes a on friday with pedro and sally, sat and mon with sarah and shelly and sun with tiana and sally.  I now know what Anatoly meant by the blocking giving you memorization. We had to work without props today (sarah and shelly) and our lines were way worse without them. I am still a little unsure about my Bruce character. Stuart's all right.

UP  {1} UR	{2} UC	{3} UL
CENTER  {4} CR    Desk S1s3 S6	{5} CC Couch s4	{6} CL   Door  S2
DOWN  {7} DR	{8} DC S5S7	{9} DL

Stuart: S (duh)

Begins at desk:(S1) Crosses to be heard(s2)retreats to desk(s3)Crosses in chair to face prudence(s4) Moves down stage as prudence mocks him (s5) Comes over to desk  (s6) Back to down stage as I am rejected

I dont want to post all this crap online.

Tue, may 5th

So here we go. I have been meeting with my scene members at least every other day over the weekend. Which translates to at least an hour and a half daily.  I have to work from 8:30 - 5:00 pm tomorrow so hopefully I am not drained. Luckily I started a new job that I thoroughly enjoy so I should be good. All three of my directors want me to meet with my partner before the performance. Pretty funny. I can get there at 5:15 at the earliest so fail. Looking back at my journal, I now remember that I was supposed to post my suggestions online. But that is how I operate. Once I think of it, I consider it taken care of.  It's a little late now.

Well, I have been putting a lot into the funny parts of my scenes. I have really settled into Stuart now. I have gotten inside his head enough to convey pain while trying to keep the bravado mask up as much as possible, thereby revealing the absurdity of him.

Bruce I am less comfortable with, but it is in part due to our very short scene and the fact that that scene was my third and least rehearsed. I do identify with his clingy nature, so that was one way in.

I have enjoyed working with my acting partners. It has really shown me how responsible they are for selling my character and vice-versa. If what she says doesn't match her subtext, it empties my response. It's amazing. I have spent large amounts of time encouraging both Sarah and Sally to look at the lines in new ways. They didn't push me as far, perhaps due to the fact that I came differently with each performance.  Hopefully I have been enough of a team player to help them.

It has been nice having directors to keep me focused as a third party to the scene. I can come with 3 million ideas but they can see it externally and it is very helpful.  My biggest deal has been being humble enough to just chill and listen.

I am beginning to see things on tv differently. I am beginning to pick up on the fact that most everyone on there really sucks. I can see their hesatations and hear the "acting" in the way lines are delivered. It's only when I don't notice the line that I know they are in the character.  Law and Order is non-stop hilarity.